How To Flirt with your Flight Attendant
Angels in the Aisles
As professions go, flight attendants can be as alluring as a hummingbird, her iridescent charm catching your eye and then.... she's gone! Wherever did you go, beautiful little cloud princess bird?
You can't wait to see her again, but how on cloud 9 do you gain her affections and approval? She must meet about 1,000 people every day, you think somberly to yourself, she has her pick of the litter! There's no way you'd win that courtship contest. You think carefully about writing her a note, a letter, asking for her phone number... but think maybe it would be quite embarrassing at this point. All other passengers have deplaned, and the flight attendants are asking you in the most polite and urgent manner to "Leave please, we can't go until all passengers go. Sir, do you need something? We need to get to our layover. Now, not the kind of South African "now now" that means soonish." So nothing happens, and you go home alone to your 17 cats. Fail. But don't worry. Next time you'll be prepared for true love. Or whatever you're looking for.
Love us for that free beer we slyly gave because of the delay or hate us because we insist that you follow instructions like you're in kindergarten, flight attendants usually are on the look out for a new potential eye candy treat in the middle of chaotic or monotone energy on our travels. The odds of us finding someone in the normal methods are relatively slim-- we will most likely meet a new beau while on a layover or on the airplane itself, whether that be a passenger, another flight attendant, or even (groan) a pilot.
Flirting in our society has dialed back to a tragically tepid temperature. I personally blame our current dismal state of politics and the recent outpouring of confessions and accusations of sexual misconduct in Hollywood and elsewhere that have shone light into the misogyny that we thought had been dismantled in the 90's. How naive we were. And then to make matters more complicated, flight attendants are an already sexualized and fetishized group of individuals who were hired based on their pleasant and agreeable personalities and well groomed, charming appearances. Nowadays, when tensions are already a little higher than normal in the airline industry, it might be safer to avoid jumping into a potential affair.
But what is a muggle supposed to do if he falls in love at first sight with someone on his flight? What is that corporate traveler supposed to say on his biweekly commute from Detroit DTW to New York LGA to this woman (or man) who is just too adorable to ignore? Is there a way to attract a favorable response based on mutual respect and potential for an actual date without coming across as obnoxious and invasive?
The truth is, that flight attendants are trapped in a tube of 200 passenger who may or may not be insane.
I'm sorry, I meant to type insanely hot. We are always looking for the insanely hot passengers.
A lot of us are single. A lot. And we have no shame in checking passengers out and observe certain seat numbers with a thirsty kind of respectful admiration. We sometimes create entire life histories for them, (or is that just me?) and have code words for communicating that passengers are hot as they board or deplane the aircraft. My favorite is "Special Meal" as in, "How many special meals do we have today?" "That guy in 29B definitely needs a special meal / is a special meal"
Also commonly used are "Snack", "ABP" (Able Bodied Passengers), as used in safety briefings, and a departing "So Long," contrasting the typical "Bye, thank you." Just a fun game we like to play to pass the time.
Here are some guidelines that you may or may not want to follow to gain positive attention from the traveling maniac that is speaking a secret language of acronyms and airport codes.
If you take your shoes off, you are a monster.
Being a good passenger means being aware of your surroundings. If you want to charm your flight attendant, being extremely polite is the fastest way to it. We appreciate manners because we have been conditioned not to expect them.
The worst thing you can ever do on a flight is take your shoes off and walk around in your bare feet. This turns our stomachs into pretzels and makes us want to push you out the door without remorse. Are you actually aware how often the carpets on planes are deep cleaned? Neither am I. Because they aren't.
Additionally, take care of your order. If you want juice, fine-- but if you don't want ice in that juice, when would you politely ask for "No Ice", after or before it's poured? If you said before, then you are still in the running for a date.
Learn how to open the lavatory door, and impress us with your skills as you read the capital letters PUSH before ... you guessed it, pushing the door inward. Or alternatively, if you see a handle on the door then it might lead to the inside of the lavatory-- it's best to try pulling it and see what happens. You'd be surprised that many people do not understand how to open doors, contributing to endless entertainment in the galley. Literacy is very attractive.
Headphones, as you might be aware, allow you to listen to music and movies. They do not, however, allow you to hear the flight attendant staring over you with daggers in her eyes asking you for the fourth time what you want to drink. Pay attention to us coming down the aisle--- literally the only place we could be coming from is the front, you'd have to try very hard to miss us. Have your order and snack choice ready with a smile and your headphones out of your earholes, and we'll be eyeing you with a lustful, twirly gaze for the rest of our wonderful time together.
Alright, You Have Our Attention.
Thanks for being such a pleasant passenger so far! The service went wonderfully, and now you feel that coffee running through your blood and are ready to give your flirting muscles a proper workout. You've checked the galley in the back and see that we are finished with everything, and are sitting down peacefully on the jumpseat. That might be the only chance you have, so go pretend to use that lavatory and introduce yourself! Don't forget your shoes :)
Especially on long haul flights across the country or across the ocean, we might have several hours of downtime to sit and chat with each other. This is a perfect time to come back and say hello. It doesn't take much, just a nice smile and a "hi, how are you guys doing today?"
Some examples of favorable and despicable questions or ice breakers:
PAX : holding a NYT crossword puzzle "So, anyone know what the constellation with a music related name might be?"
Decree: FAVORABLE.
Explanation : puzzles are fun, and the NYTimes crossword is notoriously impossible to complete. By including us into your game, we have an invitation to now check up on you later in the flight and see how your crossword is going. I actually tried to flirt with a passenger once by doing this, and it didn't go very well, but I think it was because he only knew about two clues and felt incompetent. So this is a great way to talk to us if you are good at trivia and word games, not so great if you are pop culture or history knowledge challenged. This is a great way to challenge our brains with something more interesting than reciting the snacks in order.
PAX: "Do you guys just do this route back and forth all the time?" or "What's your schedule like?"
Decree: DESPICABLE.
Explanation : This question sounds like we are at a bar and you said "Come here often?" Don't assume anything about our schedules, and please don't ask us the details about them either. I get it-- our lives are weird and you don't understand them, and it seems interesting to talk about where we are going. But it makes me want to throw things across the plane.
I never know where I'm going to be next month until about a week and a half before it starts. There are a million factors that contribute to our monthly schedules and we are asked about the methods of their creation on a very regular basis. I'm in the process of creating a brochure to just hand out. Just understand that it's very complicated, it's based on seniority, and leave it at that.
PAX: "I guess you don't have time for relationships and families."
Decree: DESPICABLE!
Explanation : Is there a need to explain this? I've had this said to me with such confidence on multiple occasions. I almost laughed in their faces. We have too much time off, and we are able to travel anywhere we want to on said off days. The only reason it would be difficult is if our significant others were insanely jealous and untrusting when we were gone, or wanted to control where we went. Nobody got time for that, nobody.
Also, lots of flight attendants have kids, families, alternate jobs, and lives. We have a lot of control around when we fly, and it only gets better the longer we stay with the airline.
PAX : "Thank you for everything. Any recommendations in San Antonio? It's my first time there."
Decree: FAVORABLE.
Explanation: This is such a good opener on many levels. First, thanking us tells us that you appreciate how we take care of everyone in terrible conditions like turbulence, lightening, bad moods, delays, cancellations, missed connections, or worse -- flights to Florida. It is great to follow up with a chaser of requesting for our expertise in destinations. Travel is why we signed up for all of this, not the opportunity to inform you that the WiFi isn't working today. We would absolutely love to tell you what to do in San Antonio.
PAX: "I know we haven't talked all flight, like I know nothing about you whatsoever, but I want to take you to dinner."
Decree: DESPICABLE. RUN!
Explanation: This recently happened to me; a noticeably older man in the first class cabin kept giving me an expectant look during the flight, and I would pause by his seat waiting for him to say what he wanted to drink. He never did, so I just thought he was a little weird. Finally, he came up to me before using the lavatory and said "You are lovely, just so lovely. Lovely." I was genuinely flattered and said "Thank you!" being gracious as ever, ready to tell him to write to the airline and tell them about his experience. Then the energy altered as he handed me his business card and told me he was going to take me to dinner.
Oh are you, sir? I think you're about to look in the mirror and realize you hit on someone whom for all appearances is 30 years younger than you. That's just arrogant and presumptuous and gross. I'm not desperate for that kind of dinner. How. Dare. You.
Well... I guess it would depend on the restaurant. But still. No.
The Ancient Art of Letter Writing
Last year I flew with the most vivacious woman and entrepreneur. She has a mindset of determined fierceness and a personality that commands the spotlight. Her boldness shone through as she spoke with a gentleman sitting in 1B, her flirting game turned up and her eyelashes batting at full speed as they exchanged words and glances. She decided the time was right to make the first move. A napkin inscribed her love note and her lipstick sealed it with a kiss, Brenda delivering it to him with the confidence of a cult leader. I was so impressed by her, and even more impressed when she face timed him later that day. Spoiler alert, they did not work out, but it was such a great motivator that I decided to try it out myself.
Fast forward, I'm working a flight from SFO-JFK, and the long six hours were made tolerable by the smile of a man in coach with a British accent and dapper style. He wanted a specific cookie that I couldn't find, and we had a back and forth adorable exchange worthy of a rom com scene in which I finally discovered the cookie and gave it to him like the hero I deserve to be recognized for. He was grateful and I realized that it was my turn to be bold. I took a "thank you" card we give to first class passengers and wrote my number down, offering my services as a tour guide around NYC. A simple note can be such a nice gesture, and if they don't respond at least you know you have what it takes to put yourself out there. We ended up going out that night, and spoiler alert I'm still single, so that clearly didn't work out ... but I'd do it again.
I love getting letters, handwritten ones, and to me there's nothing more personal than a nice note expressing gratitude. here's a high chance that you'll get a response if you felt there was something there. Just don't do that to ALL the flight attendants on the crew during a flight, because we talk to each other and are probably friends or at least friendly and suck up gossip on the jumpseat with the zesty enthusiasm of a girl at an ice cream truck.
The Galley, Our Sacred Space
I would never go into the kitchen without permission at a restaurant. Similarly, I would never pull back the curtain on the galley of an airplane unless there was a dire emergency. I just wouldn't. The galley is our safety zone, the only place we can retreat.
That being said, if we look bored you should probably come entertain us. Just make sure the curtain is pulled open first and not signaling our need for privacy. Introduce yourself, maybe tell us an anecdote, a story, compliment our airline. Don't ask us if we've joined the mile high club. Come on, you're better than that.
I remember my first flight to AMS (Amsterdam), when this statuesque man standing 6'4" kept coming to the back galley asking for green tea. We didn't have any, but he was so gorgeous that we all made an effort to get some from the first class galley. Who knows, maybe green tea was the secret to preserving his perfect skin. We were responsible for keeping him perfect, and we took that responsibility seriously. My gay male coworker helped me talk to him because I was too nervous to; I can't hit on anyone without my current gay boyfriend doing it for me, apparently. Cliff went ahead and made the introduction without my permission.
"Hey there have you met Megan? We were just talking about how cute you are." I was so embarrassed but he ended up staying almost 20 minutes, chatting with us about his travels. Later this guy deplaned and paused where I was standing, saying "It was so nice meeting you. If you're in LA anytime in the future I'd love to grab coffee with you, can I get your number?" A flawless execution. Manners were there, the genuine interest in our lives was there, and the innocent way he asked for coffee and not just a cocktail. He was very successful and I hope others can learn from his practice and example. It's never good to come on too strong. Had this guy not spoken to me during the flight and gauged whether I was actually interested or not, I wouldn't have exchanged information with him.
Okay that one didn't work out either... but this is about flirting not maintaining relationships. Moving on.
Basically... just don't be that guy.
Common sense can tell you that a flight attendant who isn't laughing at your off handed comment about the reputation of "stewardesses," doesn't want your number or your opinions. We aren't barbie dolls, we are regular, interesting humans who respect people who respect us. Is that so hard to understand? Just be normal for crying out loud!
I wish I didn't have to write these guidelines, because they should be innate in any decent person. But you'd be surprised at what some guys think is acceptable behavior. Recently a very well followed Instagram account posted a photo without the flight attendant's permission of her lying down on the ground on an Airbus 330 trying to fix the seat from underneath with the caption: "this is going to be an interesting flight." You can't see the girl's face- only her legs at an angle that looks like he is trying to see up her dress. Nobody wants to be objectified or being publicly humiliated in this way. A swarm of us all moved to block this Instagram photo and he had to remove the comments because of the pushback he got from us.
Don't be that guy. We are not defenseless and can kick you off any plane if you show us that kind of disrespect!
Leaving you with an optimistic story. Just this morning I became privy to a beautiful story of a flight attendant who gave a note to a passenger with her phone number on it; he texted her before deplaning and now they are a happy couple looking disgustingly sweet on social media and rubbing it in all of our faces. I love hearing stories like this one, it proves that with a small risk you might get a wonderful reward!
Good luck in your love adventures and happy flying!